Trusting and Breathing

If you're like me, you are a list person. A planner. An organized nut. You like your ducks all in a row. You like to know of things in advance so you can PLAN. I don't like surprises or unexpected adventures. I guess if I was anything like a Tolkien character, I would have been a hobbit. I don't do anything on a whim. I like familiarity. I like common, ordinary surroundings. I like to be comfortable, and to feel comfortable I have to be aware and educated on my surrounds and my future. It takes me a while to feel acclimated and comfortable, maybe that's part of my introverted self. It's something I battle with.

This personality trait could easily lead to stress or anxiety. Although, I'm not the type of person to show that type of emotion. I keep it in-check and hidden mostly. These last few months have been like a rock sitting on my shoulder. I knew it was coming. I knew we were getting closer. I knew that soon, my husband would accept a job somewhere, ANYWHERE and we would begin again.

My whole life I have lived in a bubble, if that's what you would call it. I've lived my life in a particular radius. My first big step was moving to Florida and attending Florida College. 12 hours away from anything I have ever known and loved. It was new, it was a huge change, it was different. But I learned to breath a little easier, I learned that a crack in the plan was do-able and that different and change was ok. That was a good change. It was what I needed. And it ended up being perfect.

THIS change will be bigger. And different. If its Gods will, it will be for a long while. And I pray that's the case. But, not knowing WHERE this change would be has given me much hidden anxiety and fear, if you will, for a few months. I knew this was the year that decisions would be made and bags would be packed and memories moved. But we were just getting comfortable. Why do we have to give it all up and start over? We love it here. More so, we love the people here. The Christians here. We are just feel at home. Maybe its terrifying to me because of my personality?

Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely ecstatic to be moving to Georgia. I know this will be a great opportunity for us. I have been praying that God will use us there in whatever way He desires. I'm happy for Trent. He has worked so hard for this. I am beyond proud of him.
For me, I guess it's different. Maybe I think too much. I think as wives, we do that a lot. Think things through over and over and prepare and prepare again. It's slightly obsessive sometimes, but we are cautious and care for our family. Why do we worry so much? Why do we bombard ourselves with things we truly can't control? We go to extensive lengths to have control over things and it does nothing but pull us down. We burden ourselves with that which God has told us not to.

This is something I have always had to war with. Its been one of my enemies. Uncertainty, being unprepared, surprises - these make my stomach turn. And I continue to fight. I need to trust more. I need to have faith more. I need to remind myself to trust my faithful heavenly Father and not hide. I can take what He offers. He will guide. He will hold. He has a PLAN better than my tiny human brain can comprehend.  His plan is the best. And it is good because He is good. And I must surrender.

Matthew 6:25 - 34
Matthew 11:28
Colossians 3:15

The All About Me Syndrome

I guess its something everyone struggles with. We all sin and what is sin? Selfishness. Its about what I want, when I want it. How can I make myself happy? I mean, as long as I am happy then everything is wonderful right? I am here to please me and me only. Isn't that what life is all about? That's what society will tell you, anyway.
I think my generation suffers greatly from this "me syndrome". And sadly, I believe it's getting worse. I suffer with this disease daily, its a constant battle. Whether it's openly or in disguise, it's a struggle. Sometimes we camouflage it to  make it look like we are looking out for other people, when truly we have an underlying agenda that's better for us. 

Those who know me well, know that I have an "old soul". I'd much rather spend my time with those 3 times my age, than those my own age. This can sometimes be a stumbling stone for me and I have always struggled with this. I see less of the "me syndrome" in those much older with wrinkles of wisdom and a life of servitude and its so refreshing to spend time with those who get the big picture. I encourage you to find that someone much older who has much guidance and wisdom to offer. Listen and spend time with them. Let them teach you, let them feed you. Don't put a band-aid over the me syndrome like a temporary fix, treat it like you want to cure it! That means going deeper. That means more time on your part. That means, finding ways to serve.

Here is a way I have realized as of late, that sometimes we can be subtle in our self-fulfilling minds. I have recently, on different occasions, had lengthy conversations with a few different people around my age. After walking away at the end of the conversation, I was somewhat saddened. I realized that the entire conversation centered around them - I stand guilty of this myself - there was no inquiry about anyone, no concern for another, no interest in ANYONE else. But why do we make it all about ourselves? Everything is about me. I want, I need, give me, I did this, I think this, etc. And we are never satisfied.

I write this post not because I have any answers or know the cure or am more equipped - definitely not, this post is just as much for me as any other. These are just some concerns and thoughts that I've been pondering lately. But I know Who can fix this "me syndrome" I have. If we walk in His footsteps He might teach us a thing or two. "me syndrome" will always nip at our heals, but will we let it ride on our shoulders? Lets not.
Lets pray that we do better in this area. Pray that I do better. I will pray for you too. Lets help each other.

Ephesians 6:12, Philippians 2:3-5, Mark 10:43-45, Matthew 20:26, Galatians 5:13

Have A Blessed Week :)

Learning to Appreciate: Don't Bite The Parenting Hand

As I was making my way to the main front isle of Target this morning to check-out I overheard an argument between a young girl (probably early college or late high school age) and her mother having it out in the middle of the store. The daughter was clearly annoyed and unhappy, with the apparent rolling of the eyes and disgust towards her mother. I stopped and started appearing as if I was looking at an item on one of the shelves and I listened. Call me a "Nosy Nancy", but with their volume and mannerisms, they sure weren't acting like they wanted to keep it between the two of them; and I have also seen this seen before, personally - kinda like standing on the outside looking into the past. So I listened. The daughter was in every way disrespectful, degrading, selfish, and hateful towards her mother with her words and tone. {Her mother was BUYING her daughter some clothes- there were already a couple of pairs of shoes in the basket and some make-up - but the daughter was complaining. She didn't like what her mother liked, it wasn't good enough} At first, I was shocked to see that the mother just stood there like nothing was going on and she just took it. But then modern-day reality struck and I thought, oh, this is how a lot of parents are these days....sadly.

I was really angry with the daughter. I wanted to say something and stand up for the mother. But if you know me and my personality, I'd never actually do that. I couldn't believe the daughter could treat her own mother that way. How could she! But then I stopped dead in my thoughts. I was once that daughter. I was once that ungrateful and hateful daughter.  I have treated my own mother that way when I was in high school. I am guilty of the same exact thing. I just wanted to walk up to the mother and hug her, and tell her it would be okay. I wanted to tell her that hopefully someday-someday her daughter will get it. That someday her daughter will say, thank you mama. That someday her daughter will hug her instead of yell at her and snub her off. That right now her daughter doesn't want much to do with her unless she wants something, but someday she will call her just to talk. Or she will call just to say THANK YOU.

In high school sometimes my Mom embarrassed me and my Dad "cramped my style". I thought they were too involved in my life and  I didn't understand why they cared so much (I reckon its safe to say everyone has felt that way about their parents at one time or another). Now, I can't get enough hugs. I can't get enough advice. I wish I had taken advantage of their wisdom instead of pushed it away. Hold onto the "lectures" that your Dad gives you, because there will come a time when you can't sit at his feet and listen to his wisdom very often.

              Why do we bite the hand that feeds us? We do that not only to our parents, but we do it to our Almighty Father as well. We are ungrateful children in many ways.

Soak up the NOW. Listen to your parents advice NOW. Hug them NOW. Spend time with them NOW. Just randomly tell them THANK YOU. Honor them. Appreciate them. Be GRATEFUL for them. 

...........I wish I could have told that daughter these things.

We need to encourage children to do this - to WANT to be with their parents sometimes. As children and high schoolers we are encouraged to want to be with our friends our own age and we complain about being with our parents - "its boring". They need to know the value of truly spending time with their parents, I think that helps with them understanding appreciation. They need to learn the wonderful VALUE of that time.

I feel like this post as been kinda all over the place and I am sorry. I took for granted all the opportunity I had with my Mama and now she is my best friend and I am learning to understand it all, to appreciate, to value, to honor her. Go home and love your Mother. Go and hug your Dad. Every opportunity say THANK YOU. If you are fortunate enough, they will become some of your very best, dearest friends one day. :)

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise: "That it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth" ."

            Ephesians 6:1 - 3.

Our Martha Agenda's While Our Mary Hearts Thirst.

As a wife who is trying to always keep the house in order and inviting, prepping meals, and constantly trying to figure out the best and most efficient way to organize this cracker jack small-of-a-house, I sometimes feel like everything is spinning and I just can't keep up as I do this and also work. I make list after list of things to be done. I dusted an inch of dust off of our bedroom furniture and thought to myself I just dusted this a little over a week ago, how can there be this much dust? How does the laundry pile up so quickly?.... Oh, and there are only 2 people in this household. Somehow I just smile because I deeply love all of this and think how I can't wait to add little faces to this chaos, Lord willing - someday. As women, through our constant battle to keep our homes in order, it's never ending, there is always something that needs to be done. If we stop for just a day, there are things that get backed-up. And we thirst for something more...

Lately, I have been thinking about how this in some ways parallels with our spiritual walk. If we don't regularly "check-in"on ourselves and re-access ourselves things can get nasty. We cannot take a break from the MOST important thing.  Am I as diligent to regulate and grow in my prayer to my Lord as I am to vacuum consistently in our home? We are so crazy-focused on making our homes presentable when we know company is coming, but I fail in working on my hearts presence before my Father. We set goals for the cleanliness of our homes, but are we as ardent to do so in the growth of our faith?

A clean home is important, for sure. But perspective and priorities need to constantly be in-check. This is something I'm in much need to work on, but I also know I am not the only woman who battles this from time to time. May we remind each other it's not about this earthly home as much as it is about our heavenly Father and our hearts towards Him, daily. And let us hydrate ourselves on the Words of LIFE. 

Sometimes I just need to read this a few times, over and over. 

Luke 10:38 - 42.

Washing Each Others Feet

      Recently I was brought back to some of my childhood memories. Being a 10 year old girl and having those knock-down-drag-outs with my younger sister, Anna. Boy, did we have a lot of those back in the day. From quite a young age my parents, from time to time, would used quite an odd form of punishment for this behavior between my sister(s) and I. With our young faces full of child-like hatred and crinkled noses of defiance, my mom or dad would send us to the bathroom. We knew what this meant. And at the time we absolutely hated it. We thought this form of punishment was gross, weird, and like I still believe to this day, odd. One of us would kneel down by the tub (not saying a word to one another of course, much tension still in the air) and the other would sit on the side of the tub with our bare feet inside and pants-legs rolled up. After turning the water on to warm and grabbing the bar of soap, one of us would start to scrub the others feet. Once finished, we would trade places. And so this, as odd as it may be, was one of our forms of punishment when my sisters and I quarreled.
     John 13:1-17, this scripture is when Jesus washes the disciples feet. I remember my Dad reading this to us a few times. "If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them." (vs.14-17). Christ was the ultimate example of humility. Though most don't go around literally washing each others feet, to a young child, my parents used this as a way of showing us that it's not about "me". They used the washing of each others feet as a tool to show us it's about SERVING one another. My sister and I would often get into arguments because we each were being selfish in some way, this "gross" action of having to wash each others feet was teaching us a deeper meaning not for that present moment only, but as we grew older as well. 
   How can we wash each others feet today? How can we serve someone? Paul tells the brethren at Philippi, "let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem OTHERS better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interest, but also for the interest of OTHERS." (Phil. 2:3-4). The more we give of ourselves and humble ourselves, the more we learn about Christ. Let's LOOK for ways to wash each others feet and to SERVE. I myself, have much to learn in this way. I am thankful my parents sought to teach this value to my sisters and me - and showed us through their actions as well. 
I am reminded of the hymn we sometimes sing: 
           Lord, help me to live from day to day in such a self-forgetful way
          That even when I kneel to pray my prayers shall be for -Others.
          Others, Lord, Yes others, let this my motto be, help me to live for
          Others, that I may live like Thee.....

The Joy In Choosing The Hard (Mother-Giving)

I was in Barnes and Noble (love this store! I could spend all day there) reading this morning and I saw a woman and 2 small school-aged children sitting at a table with many books open as they were deep in study. I saw that and new immediately what it was. My heart smiled. I know this scene very well, and anytime I run-across this beautiful picture joy fills my heart and I just watch for a moment. The mother looks tired and looks as if she is running on empty, and its only Monday. She helps the smallest child with a question and I continue to watch. I see the love in the mothers eyes as she gives loving attention to the little one. She does this because she is THERE. There is contentment at that table and memories rush back. I am most certain those sweet little children don't understand yet the gift their mother is giving them. She is giving herself to them. She chose the hard. But when the little one smiles with understanding as she gets the concept they are studying, the hard is so rewarding. I inwardly thank the mother for her selflessness for choosing to be there and to GIVE. I have seen first hand the hard of it, and as I grow older and look back, everyday I am thankful more and more.

I have learned a new understanding of my own mothers sacrifice now that it has been a few years since I flew the coop. She chose from the beginning to STAY. To teach. To be THERE. I advocate this kind of mother-giving to the core. I pray often that the Lord will allow me to give of myself like this one day - this special kind of mother-giving. It is precious. It is a gift.

I stand to leave my table, and one of the little ones smile at me, I see the joy in that adorable face. On a Monday, on a school day, she sits across from her mother. What happiness :)

Perspective

These last couple of days I have been reading a wonderful book you might have heard of or even read yourself, Kisses from Katie. My eyes have been blood-shot and weepy. I'm soaking it all in of this girls selfless heart of a servant. If you haven't read this book or even heard about Katie's story, you can read more about it here, http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/ . She is so giving and humble. Go read her book.
As I have read this book, I had a recent different perspective on my life and how easy and spoiled it is. I went to the store to buy groceries today and I walked into a huge building that had A/C and worked so well that most of my time in there I froze. I also was able to use a buggy for my groceries, so I wouldn't have to carry everything around, every item is neatly situated and organized on the shelves. Something as simple as  beans come in a can or a simple bag in a freezer section... I just pick them up and sit them in my buggy. I check out and hand the lady a debit card to pay for my groceries. I hand her a card. So many of us have these cards because we have been blessed with a generous amount of money that we save in a bank. Are you following me here? I come home a little later and work on paying some bills. That adult thing that's always hovering over you. I was BLESSED to pay the water bill, the power bill, and a medical bill (yes, 4 months after I broke my leg they're still coming, but that's okay). I walk to the bathroom to wash my hands and the clean warm water and soap cleanses them. Anytime I want I can go flip on a switch or turn the nozzle on and blessings turn on or flow out. It so simple isn't it?
I hope I can do a better job of being thankful for the everyday things. Its unreal how much we take for granted so often. This isn't a deep blog post, but I hope it will get you thinking. Just thank the One who blesses you over and over and we don't deserve any of it. Now, I'm feeling quite muggy from this Alabama heat, so I have the capability to go turn on our cool air, and I will be thankful because He continues to bless me though I fail Him often.