Trusting and Breathing

If you're like me, you are a list person. A planner. An organized nut. You like your ducks all in a row. You like to know of things in advance so you can PLAN. I don't like surprises or unexpected adventures. I guess if I was anything like a Tolkien character, I would have been a hobbit. I don't do anything on a whim. I like familiarity. I like common, ordinary surroundings. I like to be comfortable, and to feel comfortable I have to be aware and educated on my surrounds and my future. It takes me a while to feel acclimated and comfortable, maybe that's part of my introverted self. It's something I battle with.

This personality trait could easily lead to stress or anxiety. Although, I'm not the type of person to show that type of emotion. I keep it in-check and hidden mostly. These last few months have been like a rock sitting on my shoulder. I knew it was coming. I knew we were getting closer. I knew that soon, my husband would accept a job somewhere, ANYWHERE and we would begin again.

My whole life I have lived in a bubble, if that's what you would call it. I've lived my life in a particular radius. My first big step was moving to Florida and attending Florida College. 12 hours away from anything I have ever known and loved. It was new, it was a huge change, it was different. But I learned to breath a little easier, I learned that a crack in the plan was do-able and that different and change was ok. That was a good change. It was what I needed. And it ended up being perfect.

THIS change will be bigger. And different. If its Gods will, it will be for a long while. And I pray that's the case. But, not knowing WHERE this change would be has given me much hidden anxiety and fear, if you will, for a few months. I knew this was the year that decisions would be made and bags would be packed and memories moved. But we were just getting comfortable. Why do we have to give it all up and start over? We love it here. More so, we love the people here. The Christians here. We are just feel at home. Maybe its terrifying to me because of my personality?

Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely ecstatic to be moving to Georgia. I know this will be a great opportunity for us. I have been praying that God will use us there in whatever way He desires. I'm happy for Trent. He has worked so hard for this. I am beyond proud of him.
For me, I guess it's different. Maybe I think too much. I think as wives, we do that a lot. Think things through over and over and prepare and prepare again. It's slightly obsessive sometimes, but we are cautious and care for our family. Why do we worry so much? Why do we bombard ourselves with things we truly can't control? We go to extensive lengths to have control over things and it does nothing but pull us down. We burden ourselves with that which God has told us not to.

This is something I have always had to war with. Its been one of my enemies. Uncertainty, being unprepared, surprises - these make my stomach turn. And I continue to fight. I need to trust more. I need to have faith more. I need to remind myself to trust my faithful heavenly Father and not hide. I can take what He offers. He will guide. He will hold. He has a PLAN better than my tiny human brain can comprehend.  His plan is the best. And it is good because He is good. And I must surrender.

Matthew 6:25 - 34
Matthew 11:28
Colossians 3:15