She Is Not Mine

12:30am I get up to feed Ives. She has a crazy talent of being able to eat and sleep at the same time. The night light in her nursery gently lights her precious face. I stare at her as she eats and sleeps. So peaceful.

She is home now and my heart is full. We spend our days eating and napping and we squeeze in some play time when we are both awake enough. Its perfect. It feels so "official" now that she is home. We are a family of 3. She belongs to us and us to her. She is ours.....and yet, she is not. She is not ours. She is not mine. She is a gift. She has been lent to us from Whom she belongs.

She is not mine, she is His.

Why He chose us, I don't know. But I am honored to be her Mama. She is a baby, she is a precious doll, she is a girl, she is my daughter. But when I think about her being a soul, I feel unworthy - I am unworthy. He has in trusted us to raise this soul. Wow.

She is a soul. She is not mine, she is His.

As I think about the choices Trent and I will make as we raise her - the big choices or the everyday decisions, remembering.... She is not ours, she is His.

Ivey is a precious little girl. She has cute pink clothes galore. Cute bows, cute shoes, you name it. True, it is fun to dress her up, but then I remember there's more than a cute face. She is a soul and what impact am I choosing to have on this precious soul?

As Ivey gets older and I'm daily teaching her about her dress and conduct as a young lady, what am I motivated by?

She is not mine, she is His.

When we are trying to decide what path to take to educate her (whether that be public, private, or homeschool), remembering....She is not mine, she is His.

We get so distracted by life and we become consumed with our electronic entertainment and screens that we forget about the soul. I do not want to be distracted by what is meaningless and forget the importance of the soul that I am raising. Am I giving my full attention to her- that which is His?

I pray that if we raise her with an understanding of  'She is not mine, she is His', then when she is grown and making her own decisions, she will say to herself:  I am not mine, I am His.

Help me to always remember, Lord, that she is not mine, but she is Yours and help me rise to that privilege with my whole heart and may I always glorify you with how I raise what is Yours. 

Mom Brain

And so it begins. I watched it effect other moms, even my own mother. I was told it would happen to me, I knew it was coming. And now it's here. This Mom Brain is really a thing.

My daughter is still in the NICU, she isn't even home yet. Still, it's overcome me. I still have late nights and early mornings and get up in the middle of the night to pump. I don't get up for a screaming baby but I'd trade anything for that. Some might tell me I'd take that back once she comes home and I do have to deal with a screaming baby, but no, I wouldn't. At 2am I sit and pump and think about my little girl wishing she was closer, wishing I could just walk over to her crib and check on her, hoping she is having a good night and thinking about being able to see her the next morning.

It's kinda like walking in a fog. When people talk sometimes it sounds like the parents on Charlie Brown, "wah, wah, wah, blah, wah wah". We had some friends come visit us and Ivey the other day at the NICU (she loves having visitors).  I was holding Ivey and feeding her her bottle and trying to keep her tubes all untangled... I was distracted. I tried to be engaged in the conversation, I wanted to be. I listened... Or tried to.  I was so glad our friends came to visit and I wanted to catch up with them. But on the ride home from the hospital I recalled having to ask Trent some questions about how our friends were doing because, I really didn't comprehend the conversation. Mom Brain. It's hard to fight. You don't even know it's happening. I lose things, I miss place things, and yes I did this way before I was a Mom.... But it's ten times worse.

Sometimes you're just incoherent. Everything's kinda muffled. Maybe it's because I'm new at this, or maybe it will get worse as time goes on and more kids come. I'm hopeful of learning to handle it with grace like so many experienced moms do. One day.

Even though I have Mom Brain, I still try, I still care, even though things are cloudy... I just gotta try harder than normal. It's learning the balance of being attentive to your child(ren) but not making them think they're the center of the universe. I have a lot of learning to do.

So if I ask you the same question multiple times, or forget your name, or appear to be in another world why you're talking, or while im talking, I'm sorry... I'm still working on getting the hang of all this. And I love all this. I love this mom thing. 



Update on Ivey:  our sweet girl is doing so well. She has been taking a special kind of hypo-allergenic  formula for about a week now. Due to a bloody stool 2 weeks ago, the Doctors think she was allergic to the milk proteins in my breast milk. I've gone on a dairy-free diet in hopes of her being able to tolerate my milk again so that I can nurse her. This weekend they are slowly going to start giving her my now lactose free milk to see if she tolerates it. If she does well, they hope to send her HOME this Wednesday. If she has another bloody stool, that will be another set back and we'll probably have to start over again with the feedings. Please pray that she can tolerate the breast milk. That's our biggest worry right now.... We are so ready to have her home! We are so thankful for all the  continued words of encouragement, cards, texts, hugs, meals, and especially your prayers. This journey has been a little easier with the comfort from our brethren. God is good. And His family is good.

- Rebekah

Our Bundle of Joy!

In the words of my mom, "y'all've added a little person to your 'Faris wheel of life' ". And of course, we couldn't be more thrilled to have our little Ivey Joy finally here!

Ivey Joy Faris 

Born June 13th

5lbs 9oz. 18in. 

Because of so many peoples prayers, Iveys strong perseverance, and Gods mercy, she has overcome so many obstacles in just her first week here. We are so humbled by what our mighty Lord can do. We had prepared ourselves for everything the doctors had been telling us for months and The Lord has opened many doors. We were told that Iveys intestines would be put into a "silo" bag for 4 to 7 days before they could do the surgery to close up her Gastroschisis.... She was doing so well they did her surgery that night right after she was born.  For a few weeks they said that she would be immediately transported to the Children's  (Egleston) campus for her surgery and recovery. The night she was born we were informed that the Egleston campus' NICU was so full they had no room for Ivey; this was a huge blessing because she would remain at Scottish Rite which is next to Northside and also closer to our home!

In less than a week our little trooper was breathing so well on her own they removed her ventilator. She is now off all of her pain medicine and is only taking an IV drip. She still has a tube that collects her bowel secretion and we are hoping that that will eventually clear-up and that tube can be removed from her mouth....which is really the next step we are waiting on. Once that tube is removed they can slowly begin her feedings (which is the longest process) - praying she takes those well!

It's amazing how you can start to see her little personality already. She is super feisty and a strong little goober. She loves being sung to and having her head rubbed. She HATES baths. She loves being snuggled :) We say this a lot but we cant thank you enough for all the prayers for Ivey and for us as well. There are people we have never even met that have been praying for our family and we are so grateful. Please continue to pray for little Ives and that soon her stomach tube can be removed so that she can begin feedings and also that her bowels tolerate her feedings.

We continue to covet your prayers.

- Trent & Bekah

Update On Baby Ivey

Our little munchkin is growing and as active as ever.  She keeps me busy with eating, sleeping, and doctors visits.  We had 3 doctors visits this week. Monday Ivey had another stress test, Wednesday we met with her pediatric surgeon, and today went to see her perinatal specialist for her weekly ultrasound.

Wednesday we found out that she will definitely be moved by ambulance to Children's in Atlanta as soon as she is born. Of course, I didnt really want to hear that my little girl will be moved to a completely different hospital, but I am thankful that Trent will be able to go with her and I know that at Children's she will get the best care that she needs. Her pediatric surgeon has told us to prepare for her to stay in the Children's NICU anywhere from one to two months.... We have expected this for a few months now.

Today during her perinatal ultrasound they weren't able to get good measurements because she was in  a little ball face down - one of her favorite positions. My little Rolly Polley :) they were very pleased with her breathing.... She was doing well with her "practice breathing" and her heart rate was 165. This is good. However, today they did notice some changes. Her small and large intestines are inflamed.  They were also able to see the hole were the Gastroschisis is and it was fairly big. They also saw that her stomach was also trying to come out as well. These are all not uncommon for babies with this birth defect, and they are confident in her situation especially since her "practice breathing", heart rate, and activity have been very good.

But because Ivey's intestines are now inflamed and her stomach is trying to come out as well, they will induce at 37 weeks (if I have not gone into labor on my own before then). Please pray that we can make it to 37 weeks - naturally it would be best for Ivey to stay in as long as possible to get as much development and nourishment as she can. Please pray that she continues to grow in strength, she's definitely a tough little cookie. It helps ease our minds knowing that she is perfectly happy and in no discomfort.

We know that all of this is in our Lords hands and He will protect our baby girl in the ways He sees fit. There are so many things that are uncertain and that change from week to week with this situation. Thankful for our God who never changes or moves in our times of trials. He is constant.


We are thankful for your continued prayers.

Happenings in Georgia

It's been a couple weeks since I've written an update, so it's about time. We are all moved into our new home in Norcross and we LOVE it! Getting used to the traffic and the fact you can't get anywhere in a short amount of time.... We are in no small town anymore.  We are excited that there is so much to do here! And big-belllied-mama loves having access to a pool daily ;)

We are also beginning our routine weekly doctors visits to keep up with Ivey. Once a week we go to my OB and also to her specialist. At the OB they give Ivey a stress test (which she passed this week with flying colors) and at her specialist they monitor her through ultrasound and keep an eye on her bowels and growth.  This week it showed that her small bowel is out and also 1.6cm of her large bowel is out. This is good that it's only her bowels that are out which also means the plan is still a natural delivery.

Today during her ultrasound she looked like she was trying to talk to us. She had her lips all puckered up and was opening and closing her mouth.... And then she stuck her tongue out at us!  That little goober is so precious.  We also found out today that there is a good possibility of inducing at 37 weeks.  We learned that they prefer to deliver the babies a little smaller because this makes it easier for them to deal with the Gastroschisis outside of the womb. We meet with Ives pediatric surgeon specialist next Wednesday to discuss her procedure and what to expect. He will also advise us, based on her current condition,  whether he would like her to come at 37 weeks or wait a couple weeks later. It's hard to imagine the time is almost here to meet our bundle of Joy!

We are so thankful for your continued prayers and concerns. We know that our Father is in control and our trust is in Him no matter what.
I ask that you keep my friend Megan, her husband Seth, and their sweet son Joses in your prayers. If you haven't read their story yet you can read it here. They have been such a huge encouragement to so many.  We continue to pray for Gods comfort and peace upon them both.

Update on Ivey Joy.... " When is Your Baby Due? "

This is a question I get asked A LOT. Especially now that I am in my 3rd trimester and the weeks are getting closer and closer to Ivey's arrival. When we found out we were expecting, my doctor gave me the estimated due date of July 12th. After finding out about Ivey's condition we were then told that date is pretty much irrelevant when it comes to when she is "due".

Because of Ivey's Gastroschisis, the 3rd trimester is crucial for her. This is the time babies really start to absorb nutrients and gain fat. Sometimes, babies with this birth defect do not grow in the 3rd trimester like they are supposed to and/or their bowels become inflamed. They monitor her more during this time and next week when I hit 32 weeks they will start doing weekly ultrasounds to keep a good eye on her. If for some reason she is not making the progress that she should be, they will "pull her"....now, whether or not that means they induce me and I go for a natural delivery or they do a c-section really all depends on Ivey. If she is handling things well, they encourage natural delivery. Because of the Gastroschisis, they will not allow me to exceed 39 weeks, at most - and that is if Ivey continues to do well. As of now, she is doing GREAT and thankfully has an appetite like her Daddy and she is gaining weight well for her condition.

So really, Ivey could come at any time! So when Gods ready for Ives to enter the world, that's her "due date".

Prayers for our family as we move to Atlanta next week and prepare our hearts and home for Ivey to come. We go see her new specialist in ATL on the 23rd, praying that she will still be doing well at that point.

You can keep up with Ivey through this blog; I will be posting periodically and probably will be using this for updates through out her stay at the NICU. We are so thankful for all the prayers, cards, texts, and words of encouragement. Our heavenly Father is faithful.


Rebekah

40 #PregnancyProblems

Humorous observations through-out my pregnancy:

1)  you can never have too many pillows.  (Boppy, I love you)
2)  2am snacks are common.
3)  or 4am breakfast.... And then second breakfast at 7am.
4)  leg cramps are a real thing and are not my favorite.
5)  thankful to have a husband who can sleep through a hurricane because a lot of nights I'm up and down and up and tossing and turning.
6)  getting up 3 times through out the night to pee is normal.
7)  you never realize how much you loved sleeping on your tummy until you can't anymore.
8)  sometimes breathing can be difficult.
9)  you actually debate on whether or not it's worth it to sit on the couch because getting up is an adventure.
10)  thankful it's finally sandal weather because my feet can breathe when they swell.
11)  baked chicken is nasty.
12) chick-fil-a chicken nuggets are more than acceptable. And so is their sweet tea.
13) chick-fil-a lemonade, oh my goodness.
14)  I can't turn down a smoothie, Icee, slushy, or ice cream. If it's cold, I'm on it.
15)  at some point you go through the stage where people give you the 'not sure if she is pregnant or just ate a lot' look.
16)  I'm happy to be out of that stage.
17)  strangers touching your belly really happens.
18)  random people will hold you up in the grocery store asking you when you are due, if it's a boy or girl, what their name is, where you live and your social security number... Ok, the last 2 aren't true but you get the point.
19)  yes, there are real people who can't believe you would choose to breast feed. As if God didn't know what He was doing or anything....
20)  naps. naps are my life.
21)  I can sleep anywhere at anytime.
22)  bonus: you don't miss your monthlies. Hallelujah.
23)  getting down to sit on the floor is just not an option.
24)  I now have the attention span of a 2 year old.  It really is hard to focus most times.
25)  watermelon, I love thee.
26)  doctors offices are like your second home... At least it is in my case, 2 visits each month.
27)  ultrasounds are awesome. I love seeing Ivey so much.
28)  sometimes you wonder if there is a monster inside of you or a karate kid.
29)  Ivey doesn't play when it comes to kicking my bladder. She thinks it's funny or something.
30)  dropping the keys or a sock on the floor is a tragedy.
31)  there comes a time when you have that one cami that refuses to corporate with the new belly and you walk around like Pooh with your tummy out. The struggle.
32)  where did my belly button go?
33)  yes, people will be surprised when you tell them you plan to stay at home with the baby after it's born. And yes,  - oh my goodness - I actually WANT to.  Take me back to the 50's.
34)  working out is HARD when you swallowed a 3lb watermelon.
35)  you get hot. A lot.
36)  talking to your baby is the best.
37)  you can literally sit for hours and just watch your tummy. It's kinda awesome.
38)  laughing is great. But sometimes not so great.....
39)  sneezing is a no no.
40)  it's all WAY worth it.

Enjoy one of my favorite clips from The Office here.