Mom Brain

And so it begins. I watched it effect other moms, even my own mother. I was told it would happen to me, I knew it was coming. And now it's here. This Mom Brain is really a thing.

My daughter is still in the NICU, she isn't even home yet. Still, it's overcome me. I still have late nights and early mornings and get up in the middle of the night to pump. I don't get up for a screaming baby but I'd trade anything for that. Some might tell me I'd take that back once she comes home and I do have to deal with a screaming baby, but no, I wouldn't. At 2am I sit and pump and think about my little girl wishing she was closer, wishing I could just walk over to her crib and check on her, hoping she is having a good night and thinking about being able to see her the next morning.

It's kinda like walking in a fog. When people talk sometimes it sounds like the parents on Charlie Brown, "wah, wah, wah, blah, wah wah". We had some friends come visit us and Ivey the other day at the NICU (she loves having visitors).  I was holding Ivey and feeding her her bottle and trying to keep her tubes all untangled... I was distracted. I tried to be engaged in the conversation, I wanted to be. I listened... Or tried to.  I was so glad our friends came to visit and I wanted to catch up with them. But on the ride home from the hospital I recalled having to ask Trent some questions about how our friends were doing because, I really didn't comprehend the conversation. Mom Brain. It's hard to fight. You don't even know it's happening. I lose things, I miss place things, and yes I did this way before I was a Mom.... But it's ten times worse.

Sometimes you're just incoherent. Everything's kinda muffled. Maybe it's because I'm new at this, or maybe it will get worse as time goes on and more kids come. I'm hopeful of learning to handle it with grace like so many experienced moms do. One day.

Even though I have Mom Brain, I still try, I still care, even though things are cloudy... I just gotta try harder than normal. It's learning the balance of being attentive to your child(ren) but not making them think they're the center of the universe. I have a lot of learning to do.

So if I ask you the same question multiple times, or forget your name, or appear to be in another world why you're talking, or while im talking, I'm sorry... I'm still working on getting the hang of all this. And I love all this. I love this mom thing. 



Update on Ivey:  our sweet girl is doing so well. She has been taking a special kind of hypo-allergenic  formula for about a week now. Due to a bloody stool 2 weeks ago, the Doctors think she was allergic to the milk proteins in my breast milk. I've gone on a dairy-free diet in hopes of her being able to tolerate my milk again so that I can nurse her. This weekend they are slowly going to start giving her my now lactose free milk to see if she tolerates it. If she does well, they hope to send her HOME this Wednesday. If she has another bloody stool, that will be another set back and we'll probably have to start over again with the feedings. Please pray that she can tolerate the breast milk. That's our biggest worry right now.... We are so ready to have her home! We are so thankful for all the  continued words of encouragement, cards, texts, hugs, meals, and especially your prayers. This journey has been a little easier with the comfort from our brethren. God is good. And His family is good.

- Rebekah