A Smiley Little Eskimo and Believing in Good Intentions

Today has pretty-much been the coldest it's been this season. The freezing wind is crippling. Your toes and fingers cringe and your skin literally hurts - yes, that kind of coldness. Alas, I needed to run some errands and I had put them off enough already. In front of our fireplace I dressed our smiley 5 month old in a good 3 layers, locked her in her car seat, added 2 thick blankets and a hat so that we could be on our way.  She was snug like a bug in a rug and she rather liked her warm cocoon.

At the store after grabbing the few things I needed we headed to the checkout. Everyone was at the store today, so busy. It was my turn in line and as the lady rang up my things our eyes met and I smiled.... She did not. She looked over into the stroller where my tiny perky Eskimo sat  and then told me my total. While sliding my card to pay the lady said to my baby "I'm sorry your mother brought you out in this weather". I kinda froze....I gave her a nod and a smile as she handed me my receipt without another word. Before heading out the door I covered the stroller in an extra blanket to keep Ivey from the wind still thinking about what that stranger- lady said.

Many thoughts went through my head and I kept thinking about what she said "I'm sorry your mother brought you out in this weather"..... I went from shock to anger to disbelief to hurt. Maybe she was having a bad day? Maybe she hates the cold weather? As humans, especially us women, we often linger our thoughts on why someone said what they said, why someone didn't do such an such or why someone did that thing or this thing. We often times immediately assume the worst in others intentions. We offer no grace in our judgement. I am guilty of doing this on many occasions. Maybe the lady was being rude and intended to make a jab at me? I want to believe her intentions were good.   Her choice of words were lacking but I don't always say the things I'm thinking in the right way either. Regardless, I'd like to encourage those who might want to interject or have some advice, knowledge, or wisdom they want to share with a young mother... Consider how you give it. Consider how you say it. I am always open and I welcome any wisdom seasoned mothers want to give or share with me, The Lord sure knows I can use it. But remember you were once also inexperienced and clumsily new at motherhood and offer grace.

Lastly, I would like to add that in the south people tend to think life stops when it gets so cold. I do believe people up north carry on with there daily lives, in negative degree weather might I add, with their children in-tow. It's doable and common. If your bundled up for the weather, why does life stop down here for "cold" weather? Interesting.

Let's all try to believe that others intentions are good. Let's be loving and gentle in how
We judge others motives, give the benefit of the doubt. Because on days when we are lacking and things fumble all wrong, we hope others do the same for us.  😊

A healthier you - a Happy Mama ❤️ (Making time for your health)

Let's be honest. Mamas are running on empty most of the time and somehow we manage to just get through the day. Barely. Heavy eyes and aches you didn't know you could have. How many Mamas are so easily snappy and cranky with no rest and sleep? If the baby cries one more time you just might burst into tears yourself. A lot is asked of us physically.
I felt groggy, foggy, and irritable most of the time and Ivey was 3 months old. I still felt puffy and flabby from the pregnancy and I wasn't doing anything about. At the end of September Trent and I joined our local YMCA and we also began the Paleo diet. Diving in head first - all at once. We determined to stick with it (which is a lot easier when you have a supportive and dedicated partner, thanks Hun). It wasn't long before I started realizing I was getting some energy back! I had a little bit more get-up and go and I felt happier. I'd missed this feeling, almost forgot what it felt like.
4 or 5 days a week we as a family go to the Y (they have a PlayCenter where we can leave Ivey for an hour or so). I love doing this TOGETHER with Trent, it's strengthened us more than just physically but also our relationship, it's something else we share together and work towards, just living healthier.
Exercising releases endorphins and we Mamas really need those endorphins! When days I just feel BLEH and think "I just don't wanna sweat and work", if I go I always feel better and am happier for it. I have energy to get things done during the day, a happier more energetic Mama to offer my daughter, and just an over-all better attitude. And Fridays are my favorite workout - Yoga! A nice relaxing time (and a hilarious little Asian instructor) after a long week.
I encourage you Mama's to find a way to be active (yes, we are all ACTIVE with our little one(s) but you know what I mean). To give your all to your family, friends, and to The Lord, you need to take care of yourself. It gives you a boost to getter-done! Take a Pilates class, a yoga class, go on a walk or run. Do Zumba or BodyPump. Sweat it out. No, it won't solve all your problems, you'll still be exhausted - that comes with the Mama card. Make better food choice, exercise, be a healthier you, be a healthier Mama. A Happy Mama ❤️

What do you do to be active?

Opportunities

Its been over a month since I wrote last. A little person and visits from friends and family have kept me quite occupied. There has been a few things I have thought writing about but this one has weighed heavy.

When I was a little girl I always heard "children are to be seen and not heard". At a woman of 22, I still take that on. And even being seen can sometimes be too much. Initiating a conversation has always been a struggle, especially with strangers. 5 years old and Mother couldn't even beg me to play in the balls on the McDonald's play ground - that was too overwhelming for me. I was probably 14 before I had enough courage to order my own meal at a restaurant instead of asking one of my parents or younger sister to for me.

18 and I took a big step to run for freshman class secretary at FC. Had no hopes, but knew I had to try. To my surprise, somehow, I won. That was mind boggling to this hermit-girl. That was a big step for me. Then getting married and moving to a new town really throws you on a stage. Its a deep battle within. I've learned to talk myself into things.... kinda like giving myself a pep-talk., "Just go to the event you will be glad you went in the end. you can do it.". Accepting invitations are sometimes difficult because committing to go be with a bunch of people is a huge task. Meeting visitors at church have always been a weakness...how can I, not awkwardly, greet and keep the conversation going? Having people into my home is a mountain to climb - which I've promised myself to invest in good climbing gear because that's something I want to get better at. I want to do hard things.

My prayers for years have often times included asking Him for help and opportunities to grow in this weakness. For courage and confidence. until a couple weeks ago I didn't realize that a new blessing could also be an opportunity. My daughter.

Babies get LOTS of attention. So much so that is almost frightening to an introvert like me. They get so much love and attention that comes like a swift breeze and Mama's filter it. That sometimes makes me more tired as I lay in bed at night; more-so than tending to a little one all day. I am afraid my daughter is an extrovert. Out-going and a engaging personality and sometimes it sure does make this Mamas heart go in her throat.

Wednesday are senior citizens day at Publix where I do most of our grocery shopping. I've always had a special kind of love for elderly people and guess what? Elderly people love babies. I've learned to plan to be in the grocery store well-over an hour on Wednesdays because we get constantly stopped by the sweet and curious white-haired ladies and jolly elderly men. They just grin and ask all about Ivey. The conversations often consist of them telling me about their grandbabies or great-grandbabies. I see the joy that Ivey brings them and the joy that lifts them when they talk of their own. Its special and humbling. Like I said before, talking to strangers are not my strong suite but here is the opportunity. Ivey doesn't know it yet but she is helping me a lot. She is challenging me in many ways. Being a Mama is hard but it also comes with many opportunities, and this kind of opportunity - though hard - is one I could use the most. Thankful for Ives. Thankful for sweet gracious people who open up their lives through the presence of a baby. Thankful for opportunities to share Christ. Thankful to Him.

All is Eucharisteo.

New Mom Discoveries

Ivey has been home for 12 days now. In those 12 days here are some Ivey facts and randomness I've discovered.....

* Baby laundry don't play. In other words: BABIES HAVE LOTS AND LOTS OF LAUNDRY. We go through multiple outfits a day, usually. But hey, it's cute tiny laundry ;)

* Being able to eat my lunch sometimes doesn't happen at lunch.... It could be at 2 or 3 in the afternoon. But Ives and I are working on the fact that if Mommy doesn't eat, then Ivey can't eat. So snacking is easier to juggle ;)

* You learn to do anything and everything with one hand. Maybe I am qualified to join the circus now?

* I was told, "Never wake a sleeping baby". I can now officially laugh at that now. If you have a baby who could sleep all day (yes, that would be Ives) and your breast feeding her, let's not talk about how much pain and discomfort you feel after about 3 hours if she doesn't nurse.... So yes, I will wake her.

* Most preemies often times have a bigger problem of spitting up after they've eaten, and especially when you have a child with a GI problem. This can also constitute to the pile of laundry she accumulates. More often than not I end up wearing her recycled food, and that's ok :)

* Yes, there really is such a thing as Grunting Baby Syndrome. It mostly involves preemies and could last for up to 10 weeks after birth. She wakes us up a lot with her mindless grunting - which sounds like a chain smoker, haha! Don't take it personally if she grunts at you a lot, it's her way of expressing that she doesn't understand what's going on with her digestive system.

* Your Mom and Mother-in-law (Mema and Nonna in Iveys case) expect daily pictures of their precious. It's funny and I really don't mind. Iveys so blessed and so loved.

* If you already had a close relationship with your Mom, that increases ten-fold when you have a baby of your own. Love you, Mom :)

* You start thinking more about what you usually do... Such as, what you watch on TV, what you listen to on the radio, how you spend your time, how you talk to your spouse or to anyone. Constantly thinking about how that effects your child and how you want to improve it all. She's really a wonderful reminder :)

* Also, you no longer have a use for an alarm clock. Ever.

* it's WAY harder than I'd ever imagined it would be to just...let her cry. Earlier this week I sat in the floor next to her cradle in a puddle of tears willing myself to not pick her up. She screamed and wailed. She doesn't like sleeping in her cradle.  She loves to cuddle but we are trying to teach her that at bed time she sleeps in her cradle. With much perseverance and patience and tears, she has slept in her cradle for 4 consecutive nights! It's not without a period of about 15 to 20 minutes that she doesn't 'cry it out' though. It's a process and we are proud of her for the progress she has made :)

* Now, if we could only get her detached from her passie... But that's a whole 'nother issue, haha!

She Is Not Mine

12:30am I get up to feed Ives. She has a crazy talent of being able to eat and sleep at the same time. The night light in her nursery gently lights her precious face. I stare at her as she eats and sleeps. So peaceful.

She is home now and my heart is full. We spend our days eating and napping and we squeeze in some play time when we are both awake enough. Its perfect. It feels so "official" now that she is home. We are a family of 3. She belongs to us and us to her. She is ours.....and yet, she is not. She is not ours. She is not mine. She is a gift. She has been lent to us from Whom she belongs.

She is not mine, she is His.

Why He chose us, I don't know. But I am honored to be her Mama. She is a baby, she is a precious doll, she is a girl, she is my daughter. But when I think about her being a soul, I feel unworthy - I am unworthy. He has in trusted us to raise this soul. Wow.

She is a soul. She is not mine, she is His.

As I think about the choices Trent and I will make as we raise her - the big choices or the everyday decisions, remembering.... She is not ours, she is His.

Ivey is a precious little girl. She has cute pink clothes galore. Cute bows, cute shoes, you name it. True, it is fun to dress her up, but then I remember there's more than a cute face. She is a soul and what impact am I choosing to have on this precious soul?

As Ivey gets older and I'm daily teaching her about her dress and conduct as a young lady, what am I motivated by?

She is not mine, she is His.

When we are trying to decide what path to take to educate her (whether that be public, private, or homeschool), remembering....She is not mine, she is His.

We get so distracted by life and we become consumed with our electronic entertainment and screens that we forget about the soul. I do not want to be distracted by what is meaningless and forget the importance of the soul that I am raising. Am I giving my full attention to her- that which is His?

I pray that if we raise her with an understanding of  'She is not mine, she is His', then when she is grown and making her own decisions, she will say to herself:  I am not mine, I am His.

Help me to always remember, Lord, that she is not mine, but she is Yours and help me rise to that privilege with my whole heart and may I always glorify you with how I raise what is Yours. 

Mom Brain

And so it begins. I watched it effect other moms, even my own mother. I was told it would happen to me, I knew it was coming. And now it's here. This Mom Brain is really a thing.

My daughter is still in the NICU, she isn't even home yet. Still, it's overcome me. I still have late nights and early mornings and get up in the middle of the night to pump. I don't get up for a screaming baby but I'd trade anything for that. Some might tell me I'd take that back once she comes home and I do have to deal with a screaming baby, but no, I wouldn't. At 2am I sit and pump and think about my little girl wishing she was closer, wishing I could just walk over to her crib and check on her, hoping she is having a good night and thinking about being able to see her the next morning.

It's kinda like walking in a fog. When people talk sometimes it sounds like the parents on Charlie Brown, "wah, wah, wah, blah, wah wah". We had some friends come visit us and Ivey the other day at the NICU (she loves having visitors).  I was holding Ivey and feeding her her bottle and trying to keep her tubes all untangled... I was distracted. I tried to be engaged in the conversation, I wanted to be. I listened... Or tried to.  I was so glad our friends came to visit and I wanted to catch up with them. But on the ride home from the hospital I recalled having to ask Trent some questions about how our friends were doing because, I really didn't comprehend the conversation. Mom Brain. It's hard to fight. You don't even know it's happening. I lose things, I miss place things, and yes I did this way before I was a Mom.... But it's ten times worse.

Sometimes you're just incoherent. Everything's kinda muffled. Maybe it's because I'm new at this, or maybe it will get worse as time goes on and more kids come. I'm hopeful of learning to handle it with grace like so many experienced moms do. One day.

Even though I have Mom Brain, I still try, I still care, even though things are cloudy... I just gotta try harder than normal. It's learning the balance of being attentive to your child(ren) but not making them think they're the center of the universe. I have a lot of learning to do.

So if I ask you the same question multiple times, or forget your name, or appear to be in another world why you're talking, or while im talking, I'm sorry... I'm still working on getting the hang of all this. And I love all this. I love this mom thing. 



Update on Ivey:  our sweet girl is doing so well. She has been taking a special kind of hypo-allergenic  formula for about a week now. Due to a bloody stool 2 weeks ago, the Doctors think she was allergic to the milk proteins in my breast milk. I've gone on a dairy-free diet in hopes of her being able to tolerate my milk again so that I can nurse her. This weekend they are slowly going to start giving her my now lactose free milk to see if she tolerates it. If she does well, they hope to send her HOME this Wednesday. If she has another bloody stool, that will be another set back and we'll probably have to start over again with the feedings. Please pray that she can tolerate the breast milk. That's our biggest worry right now.... We are so ready to have her home! We are so thankful for all the  continued words of encouragement, cards, texts, hugs, meals, and especially your prayers. This journey has been a little easier with the comfort from our brethren. God is good. And His family is good.

- Rebekah

Our Bundle of Joy!

In the words of my mom, "y'all've added a little person to your 'Faris wheel of life' ". And of course, we couldn't be more thrilled to have our little Ivey Joy finally here!

Ivey Joy Faris 

Born June 13th

5lbs 9oz. 18in. 

Because of so many peoples prayers, Iveys strong perseverance, and Gods mercy, she has overcome so many obstacles in just her first week here. We are so humbled by what our mighty Lord can do. We had prepared ourselves for everything the doctors had been telling us for months and The Lord has opened many doors. We were told that Iveys intestines would be put into a "silo" bag for 4 to 7 days before they could do the surgery to close up her Gastroschisis.... She was doing so well they did her surgery that night right after she was born.  For a few weeks they said that she would be immediately transported to the Children's  (Egleston) campus for her surgery and recovery. The night she was born we were informed that the Egleston campus' NICU was so full they had no room for Ivey; this was a huge blessing because she would remain at Scottish Rite which is next to Northside and also closer to our home!

In less than a week our little trooper was breathing so well on her own they removed her ventilator. She is now off all of her pain medicine and is only taking an IV drip. She still has a tube that collects her bowel secretion and we are hoping that that will eventually clear-up and that tube can be removed from her mouth....which is really the next step we are waiting on. Once that tube is removed they can slowly begin her feedings (which is the longest process) - praying she takes those well!

It's amazing how you can start to see her little personality already. She is super feisty and a strong little goober. She loves being sung to and having her head rubbed. She HATES baths. She loves being snuggled :) We say this a lot but we cant thank you enough for all the prayers for Ivey and for us as well. There are people we have never even met that have been praying for our family and we are so grateful. Please continue to pray for little Ives and that soon her stomach tube can be removed so that she can begin feedings and also that her bowels tolerate her feedings.

We continue to covet your prayers.

- Trent & Bekah