Its been over a month since I wrote last. A little person and visits from friends and family have kept me quite occupied. There has been a few things I have thought writing about but this one has weighed heavy.
When I was a little girl I always heard "children are to be seen and not heard". At a woman of 22, I still take that on. And even being seen can sometimes be too much. Initiating a conversation has always been a struggle, especially with strangers. 5 years old and Mother couldn't even beg me to play in the balls on the McDonald's play ground - that was too overwhelming for me. I was probably 14 before I had enough courage to order my own meal at a restaurant instead of asking one of my parents or younger sister to for me.
18 and I took a big step to run for freshman class secretary at FC. Had no hopes, but knew I had to try. To my surprise, somehow, I won. That was mind boggling to this hermit-girl. That was a big step for me. Then getting married and moving to a new town really throws you on a stage. Its a deep battle within. I've learned to talk myself into things.... kinda like giving myself a pep-talk., "Just go to the event you will be glad you went in the end. you can do it.". Accepting invitations are sometimes difficult because committing to go be with a bunch of people is a huge task. Meeting visitors at church have always been a weakness...how can I, not awkwardly, greet and keep the conversation going? Having people into my home is a mountain to climb - which I've promised myself to invest in good climbing gear because that's something I want to get better at. I want to do hard things.
My prayers for years have often times included asking Him for help and opportunities to grow in this weakness. For courage and confidence. until a couple weeks ago I didn't realize that a new blessing could also be an opportunity. My daughter.
Babies get LOTS of attention. So much so that is almost frightening to an introvert like me. They get so much love and attention that comes like a swift breeze and Mama's filter it. That sometimes makes me more tired as I lay in bed at night; more-so than tending to a little one all day. I am afraid my daughter is an extrovert. Out-going and a engaging personality and sometimes it sure does make this Mamas heart go in her throat.
Wednesday are senior citizens day at Publix where I do most of our grocery shopping. I've always had a special kind of love for elderly people and guess what? Elderly people love babies. I've learned to plan to be in the grocery store well-over an hour on Wednesdays because we get constantly stopped by the sweet and curious white-haired ladies and jolly elderly men. They just grin and ask all about Ivey. The conversations often consist of them telling me about their grandbabies or great-grandbabies. I see the joy that Ivey brings them and the joy that lifts them when they talk of their own. Its special and humbling. Like I said before, talking to strangers are not my strong suite but here is the opportunity. Ivey doesn't know it yet but she is helping me a lot. She is challenging me in many ways. Being a Mama is hard but it also comes with many opportunities, and this kind of opportunity - though hard - is one I could use the most. Thankful for Ives. Thankful for sweet gracious people who open up their lives through the presence of a baby. Thankful for opportunities to share Christ. Thankful to Him.
All is Eucharisteo.
